Randolph Hayes (extremely rare interview Part 1)

You’ve probably never heard of Randolph Hayes, and that’s just the way he likes it. After ten years of nagging, he finally agreed to sit down and do an interview with me during his recent trip to Greece. The interview didn’t go as expected, but with Hayes this is no surprise.

Gregory Frye: So, Randolph, what made you decide to do the interview finally?

Randolph Hayes: I’m still trying to figure out why you want to interview me.

GF: You agreed to be the ‘counterculture consultant’ for Dog in the Sand magazine. Can you describe what a counterculture consultant is?

RH: One time I went to the carnival dressed in my nicest three-piece suit, a little number I’d picked up at the local thrift store for five dollars. I went there dressed all nice because Iwanted to interview for a job. I wanted to tag along with the carnies and see the country. The manager and I ended up talking for five hours, and when I stepped out of his trailer we were in a different town. The next three months unfolded in a wreck of alcohol, psychotropic drug abuse, and a shotgun wedding with a midget snake charmer named Anna Belle Priestly. Anna Belle lost the baby within the first trimester and we got divorced. I came home with my tail between my legs, and my mother bought me a computer.

GF: When was this?

RH: By the time I got around to taking that computer to the pawnshop it was so outdated that I had to pay a little extra money for the electric organ I wanted. I still have that organ somewhere.

photo by Randolph Hayes

GF: Now, you’re something of a renaissance man, right?

RH: I guess. I mean, if you want to put a label on it.

GF: What kind of activities do you engage in?

RH: Lately I’ve been building a lot of birdhouses out of junkyard scraps. I try to sell them at garage sales, but even though people seem to like them nobody buys.

GF: You’re something of a writer and a filmmaker, right?

RH: I don’t know about that.

GF: But you’ve written like 15 books in the past ten years.

RH: (sighs and lights a Turkish cigarette) I write a lot of books and I make a lot of films. I still record music, too. My days are filled with creative orgies, sort of like how they found cocaine residue on Shakespeare’s property a few years ago. Did you hear about that?

GF: I did hear about it.

RH: Did you know they used to put cocaine in Coca-Cola? It used to be a green color? Can you imagine that?

GF: Back to your work, you write all these books and make all these films, but you never show anything to anybody. You keep all this stuff locked away. You don’t even let your actors see the films.

RH: Most of my actors are regulars. Ex-convicts, retired carnies, failed musicians. A good group.

GF: Have you ever thought about releasing any of this stuff to the public? Publishing a book maybe?

RH: That’s kind of a personal question and people have asked me that before. The only person that’s read or seen any of my stuff is a writer named Pablo D’Stair. You know Pablo.

GF: It’s interesting that out of all the people you know, you only allow one person access to your stuff. Why Pablo?

RH: That’s because, unlike you and a lot of other people, Pablo gets me.

GF: What kind of response did he give you?

RH: My most recent project is a film and book combination called The Flophouse Oracle. Pablo read the manuscript, watched the film.

GF: His response?

RH: In short, he told me that if anybody else saw it I’d probably be sent away to a mental hospital. He loved it.

(Part 2 coming soon!)

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One Response to “Randolph Hayes (extremely rare interview Part 1)”

  1. …and now the rest of the story?

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